When I was little, I couldn’t wait to grow up. I wanted to have a good job, make my own decisions, have someone to love me, and live happily ever after.
Andrew and I got married at 21 and 18 respectively. We worked hard to complete our college educations, got jobs, and bought a cute house. We played tennis and travelled quite a bit in our 20s, enjoying the money we were finally earning.
But I couldn’t shake this question from the back of my mind. “Is this it?”
I had everything I dreamed of and more. I had a great job and a husband who adored me. We won trophies from tennis tournaments, had an awesome group of friends, and thoroughly enjoyed our lives. Honestly, I could
not find one thing to complain about. My life was perfect.
Yet, I felt hollow inside. No amount of travel or amusement could fill that, I knew. Another trophy wasn’t going to satisfy the empty feeling either.
Now that I accomplished everything I wanted, I was supposed to live happily ever after, but I felt incomplete. One day I told Andrew, “I feel like something’s missing from my life, but I have no idea what it is.”
He tried to talk me out of my funk, but he couldn’t. I knew no one could. I began to think this was all there was to human existence. We live, laugh, cry, and die.
Why didn’t I seek God? I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. The God I’ve been taught expected me to live a perfect life to be saved, which I knew I couldn’t. I’ve also been taught there are no heaven and no hell. When you die, you just don’t exist anymore, which wasn’t a bad alternative for an unredeemable sinner like me, I thought.
So there I was. Outwardly, I had a great life. But inside, I felt hopeless. I found my existence meaningless, and yet I wasn’t good enough for God’s approval.
If it was up to me, I would still be in that place of spiritual despair. But God didn’t leave me there. HE knew my heart was ready to kneel before HIM. So HE reached for me . . .