God is love.
How I know that is because all those years when I struggled to love my husband, God loved me. He loved my husband too.
God filled my heart with His love so that I could love my husband. Slowly over the years, Andrew and I mended our relationship and built it up, hopefully stronger this time.
I survived those years of unhappiness by keeping my eyes on Jesus. For every spiritual high, there were many valleys of bad attitudes and repentances. Yet, God’s mercy endured me. His grace brought me back up again and again.
So now that I had several years to reflect on the past, here are my observations and lessons learned:
● Mytested my faith. Yes, I asked all the typical questions like, “God, don’t you love me? Why are you doing this to me?”
● Made me prove my faith was genuine. Whenever I wanted to walk away from my marriage, a question ran through my head. Knowing what the Bible says about divorce, was I willing to disobey God? To me, walking away from my marriage was like turning my back against God. I could not do that. I loved God.
● Finding the Hope in a hopeless situation. Have you ever felt trapped? Many times, I felt like I was trapped in a hopeless dark place and I didn’t know when I was going to get out. During those times, I read the Bible and prayed. I found comfort in God’s Words and placed all my hopes in Jesus. Not in my marriage, not in my husband, only Jesus. And I began to rejoice in Him, delight in Him. My circumstances didn’t change. So what changed? If I ever found myself in a hopeless situation again, now I can save myself a few steps of gnashing of teeth and dramatic lamentations and go directly to Jesus.
● Got to know God more. As I sought answers (or loop holes) from God in His Word, I got to see different sides of God and more intimately. I began to see how tender His heart is. How Good God is. Unlike human love, which burns one day and extinguishes the next, I experienced God’s constant love. I learned that our circumstances are not an indication of His lack of love. God allowed pain in my life to preserve my soul.
● Restored relationship with my husband was an icing, not the cake. Myneeded to grow, my faith needed to grow, thus giving me the unshakable confidence that I belong to Christ. That was God’s gift (cake) to me.
I know many good marriages among non-Christians. I also know many broken marriages among Christians. There are circumstances that we cannot control.
But in all decisions, small and large, it matters whether it is of faith because “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.”