The night God revealed His Heart

Because I liked the way they studied the Bible the week before, I attended it again the following week. This time, I drove myself. I don’t know what I expected, but certainly had no suspicion that I would be changed that night.

Scripture was read about how Jesus loves us. Yeah, I heard that before, along with how God required us to obey him completely before He would save us from His wrath. What good was His love when I could never be good enough to earn it?

But that night, I heard the promise in the Scripture about His Holy Spirit, to be with the believers, to guide them, and enable them to live godly lives. That the salvation wasn’t about my perfection but His, it wasn’t about earning it but a gift from God. The gift package contained Jesus’ blood that paid for my sins and the Holy Spirit that marked me as one of His Own, and that it was His Holy Spirit that enables me to please God.

Psalm 139 particularly touched me.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

I longed for a close relationship with God the psalmist had. It seemed like every scripture we read that night was aimed at my heart. The Word tugged at it, breaking down my walls, and revealing God’s loving heart to me.

As soon as the Bible study ended, I left without saying much. I couldn’t talk because tears were choking my throat. The moment I drove away from the house, tears flooded out. So much so that I could barely see the road. So hard that my shoulders shook. 

Why did I cry? God’s love overwhelmed me. That night, for the first time in my life, I believed that God loves me. No, I didn’t surrender my life to Jesus that night. Nor did I say a sinner’s prayer. I wasn’t thinking about doctrines, religions, or sacraments.

I simply knew God loved me.

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