Is this it?

When I was little, I couldn’t wait to grow up. I wanted to have a good job, make my own decisions, have someone to love me, and live happily ever after.

Andrew and I got married at 21 and 18 respectively. We worked hard to complete our college educations, got jobs, and bought a cute house. We played tennis and travelled quite a bit in our 20s, enjoying the money we were finally earning.

But I couldn’t shake this question from the back of my mind. “Is this it?”

I had everything I dreamed of and more. I had a great job and a husband who adored me.  We won trophies from tennis tournaments, had an awesome group of friends, and thoroughly enjoyed our lives. Honestly, I could
not find one thing to complain about. My life was perfect.

Yet, I felt hollow inside. No amount of travel or amusement could fill that, I knew. Another trophy wasn’t going to satisfy the empty feeling either.

Now that I accomplished everything I wanted, I was supposed to live happily ever after, but I felt incomplete. One day I told Andrew, “I feel like something’s missing from my life, but I have no idea what it is.”

He tried to talk me out of my funk, but he couldn’t. I knew no one could. I began to think this was all there was to human existence. We live, laugh, cry, and die.

Why didn’t I seek God? I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. The God I’ve been taught expected me to live a perfect life to be saved, which I knew I couldn’t. I’ve also been taught there are no heaven and no hell. When you die, you just don’t exist anymore, which wasn’t a bad alternative for an unredeemable sinner like me, I thought.

So there I was. Outwardly, I had a great life. But inside, I felt hopeless. I found my existence meaningless, and yet I wasn’t good enough for God’s approval.

If it was up to me, I would still be in that place of spiritual despair. But God didn’t leave me there. HE knew my heart was ready to kneel before HIM. So HE reached for me . . .


2 Responses to Is this it?

  1. samronsilva says:

    I simply don’t believe you when you say that you had a perfect life. No life is like that. We are ever aware of our imperfections. If we don’t we are not human anymore, we would be gods.

    The hollow that you felt inside was hardly an absence of god. I beieve that its the tedium of iving a meaningless life. God has little to do with it. It is self created. Some times meaning would come while helping others, doing service to humanity. Have you tried that

  2. Gina Logue says:

    Humans are selfish creatures, and I am no exceptions.
    When I helped others, I felt good when those that I helped appreciated my help. Often times, they didn’t.

    Since I became a believer of Jesus Christ, HE gives meaning to my serving others. “We love because HE first loved us.” Now when I serve others, I do because Jesus gave me life and I want to please HIM.

    Thanks for visiting and commenting. 🙂

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